Absence
by Coshie
Summary: Better summary inside. Zuko befriends a girl at the palace, only to leave when he has to find the Avatar. However, he finds that his friend is now fighting with the Avatar. After not seeing her for three years, mild chaos ensues.
1. The Beginning: Prologue

A/N: Yes, so this is my first _Avatar_ fic. I know that the first thing you'll think upon seeing "Mei" is that I misspelled "Mai", as in Azula's friend. No, actually, "Mei" is my own character. She was created long before Mai ever appeared on the show, just so you know. Any of my friends can vouch for me on that. So any similarities between Mai and Mei are purely coincidental, mmkay?

Anyhow, thanks for choosing to read! I'd greatly appreciate it if you could review afterwards! -smiles widely-

Summary: When Zuko was young, he befriended one of the soldiers in the Fire Lord's army – but this soldier was not just any normal soldier. For one, she was a she. And for another, she was his age. When he's sent away to find the Avatar, the two of them are separated for what would seem to be forever. But when she suddenly shows up one day, Zuko finds he has to reacquaint himself with the idea of "friendship".

**a b s e n c e – chapter one: The Beginning**

"Mei Xianling."

"Sir." I stood up a little straighter as the soldier looked down at me. I squirmed a little under his stare. It felt like he was trying to see deep into my soul, when in fact, I knew he was just trying to make me feel insignificant.

And he seemed distinctly skeptical, which was best illustrated by what he did and said next.

He turned away and said, "You are but an eight-year-old. What does the Fire Lord want with a mere child?" motioning vaguely for me to follow him into the palace.

I blinked. "I'm going to see the Fire Lord?" I asked him curiously, my posture crashing down as I skipped to keep up with him. "Really? Why?"

He looked at me like the annoying child I was. "You didn't know?" he said along the same lines someone would say, "You've never eaten bread before?"

"No, sir!" I said happily. This was, indeed, news to me. I thought I'd be seeing just the military general or something – not the Fire Lord himself. Oh, boy, was this exciting! I smiled to myself.

Five years later, I was – or shall I say, am – miserable. It just seemed like everything went downhill after I got over actually being here.

But let me start more towards the beginning.

The childlike happiness at being allowed to be even _considered_ for the Fire Lord's army had diminished very quickly after the first week here.

An eight-year-old in the army? Has the Fire Lord lost it completely? What is he thinking?

Yes, those were the reactions I got. So let me explain, because it is not the easiest thing to understand.

The first part to understand is the fact that my father is no ordinary man. Okay, so yes – yes, he is. He is selfish, and cares for no one except himself. But I am not talking about traits, I am talking about social standing. My father is very highly respected here in the Fire Nation, despite the fact that he is an idiot, and a slave-driver. As soon as I could walk, he was teaching me to control my firebending. By the time I was six, I had been through more training, I believe, than most of the men in the army. I went to bed each night, tired, bruised, and sometimes beaten up from the day's training.

Once that bit is understood, the bit that logically follows is: My father had never been a well-respected firebender himself. A well-respected man, yes, but not firebender. And despite the fact that I was a female, he was determined to get me higher than he had ever been.

Which meant trying to place me in the Fire Lord's service.

Which meant more training.

My father had some very convincing arguments to use on Fire Lord Azulon to get me considered for joining his service. Of course he'd _need_ convincing arguments. I was eight, and I was female.

Every day, my father would go up to the palace and request an audience with the Fire Lord. Every day, he'd come home and feel a bit closer to getting me in the army. He knew that if I was the youngest person in the army, the family name would be known throughout the Fire Nation. Every time he'd think of this, he'd become more determined.

I was trained even harder at home.

But that is not why I am miserable. Don't get my wrong, I was absolutely _thrilled_ when I found that the Fire Lord would – albeit reluctantly – let me join the army.

I am miserable for another reason.

The people in the palace have made me so.

The army is nice – most of them are decent human beings, and actually talk to me instead of snickering behind my back.

Lady Ursa, Ozai's wife, is lovely – she's kind, and beautiful, and I so wish I could be like her, and not like the warrior I know I am destined to become.

I hear that Iroh, Ozai's brother, is quite kind. I have met him only once, and we chatted, and had tea. And he was indeed, very, very nice to me.

Ozai, I can't say much about. I have heard of him – yes, haven't we all – but have yet to actually _meet_ him myself. Upon joining the army, I hadn't heard any particularly nasty rumors about him, so my outlook was good in that respect.

I have seen neither my greedy father, nor my strict mother in three years, and I couldn't be happier without them.

So, with so many nice people around me, you are wondering why I am miserable, are you not?

It is Lady Ursa's son and daughter that bother me.

Azula…. I cannot even begin to fathom what goes through her head. She is not much younger than me, but already seems more mature than I could ever hope to be. And I am not sure that is a good thing. Perhaps, in an effort to make her seem younger than she acts, I have taken to calling her Zula, which she finds infinitely entertaining – and yet I do not know why.

Zuko. He is another story all unto himself. Perhaps it's easiest to see what I mean if you could have been there when we met.

I was ten, and had been in the Fire Lord's service for a little over two years. I was, it must be pointed out, not the best fighter. I was obviously much shorter than everyone else, therefore making it rather difficult for people to: one, take me seriously; and two, actually fight me. Some might think that my height was an advantage, because I was below the range of any enemy attacks. But coupled with my lack-of-skill, it was more of a disadvantage than anything.

Ergo, I spent much of my time _not_ training with the other soldiers. Much of my training happened before I went to bed, in the evening, with my teacher.

So, during the day, I had taken to the library in the palace, which was the largest and most complete in the Fire Nation.

It was on one such day that Zuko and I had met.

I was quietly reading in a chair at the far end of the library. I was reading a book about the history of the Fire Nation, though that much is not important.

Faintly, I could hear a disturbance outside. I ignored it, though, and merely adjusted my book and went on reading.

The disturbance, however, didn't want to be ignored, because it kept making more noise. Then the door to the library was opened, and there was yet more noise.

I, being on the other side of the library, couldn't see what was happening because of the dozens of bookshelves rising to the ceiling between me and the door.

I couldn't see it; so it wasn't important. It didn't concern me, I figured, and I went on ignoring it.

Eventually, the noise faded away, and I was left once more in silence to read.

A few minutes passed before the next noise was heard. I had just gotten back into my book, when I heard footsteps approaching where I was.

Sighing, I closed my book and looked up at whoever it was that was bothering me. I assumed it was probably one of the soldiers, or maybe even my teacher, come to find me.

But that was not who emerged from between two shelves.

A boy, scarcely older than me, I guessed, appeared. I did not recognize him immediately, and probably would have shown a bit more respect if I had.

"Hello," I said quite pleasantly with a small smile.

He said nothing, but looked back at me. "Who're you?" he asked finally. "Are you one of Azula's friends? Because I think she's looking for you." He sounded tired almost. His voice was quiet, and careful. As if he was expecting me to explode.

"Zula? Lady Ursa's daughter?" I asked. "No, no. I'm not one of her friends. I barely know of her as it is." I smiled a little again.

He seemed to relax then. "Who are you?" he asked me again, though not rudely.

"Mei," I shrugged. "Mei Xianling, to be exact."

"Azula has a friend named Mai," he mused. "But you don't look like her. She has dark hair and eyes." He looked over my fox-colored hair and dull red eyes before dismissing the subject. "Why are you here? Do you live at the palace?" he asked me.

"Mm-hm," I smiled. "I'm in the army."

He found that funny, and laughed. "You can't be. You're not an adult – you're only nine."

"Ten," I corrected him. "And I've yet to actually go out into combat. I'm just in the army, like a place-holder," I told him. "Who are you, then?"

He blinked at me, like I should've known who he was by now. "I'm Zuko," he said.

Zuko… Zuko…. My mind searched around for something to connect the name to. Then, it clicked – Lady Ursa's son.

I jumped up, letting the book that was in my lap fall to the floor, and bowed a little before straightening up. "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't know."

He seemed to find this amusing as well, because he smirked. " 'Sir'? Why are you calling me 'sir'?"

I gave him a slightly confused look. "Well, because you are my superior…sir," I said slowly. "You are part of the royal family, and I was merely showing you respect."

He laughed again. "You're funny," he smiled. "You don't have to show me respect. You're my age. It's not right for you to call me 'sir'."

I relaxed a little, but still stood straight. "But – "

"Really," Zuko said. "You aren't below me just because you're in the army. I'm sure you're probably a better fighter than me – so in that area, you're better than me. Maybe I should be showing you respect." Then, with a sarcastic bow, he said, "I am sorry for my rudeness, ma'am."

I laughed as he straightened up. He seemed to like this, because he smiled.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Zuko," I told him, holding out my hand.

He accepted it and shook, still smiling a little. "It's nice to meet you too."

Suddenly, the library doors burst open with way more force than I believed they could handle.

Zuko and I just stood still – a bit like deer in headlights – as we listened to footsteps drawing closer. The footsteps alone were not friendly. I did not want to know who they belonged to.

"Mei!"

Indeed, I was right to not want to know the owner. I straightened up immediately. "Sir!" I responded to my teacher, Admiral Shang.

Shang looked over Zuko, then back to me. "What are you doing here with him?"

"We were talking, sir," I said promptly. Zuko glanced at me, as if wondering why I was so uptight all of a sudden.

"Well, you shouldn't be," Shang said, grabbing my arm and beginning to drag me from the library. Zuko followed.

"I'm sorry," I told him with a smile. "I'll see you later, okay? I spend a lot of the day here," I said quietly so Shang couldn't hear me.

Zuko nodded and stopped at the doors to the library and watched me being practically dragged off by the Admiral. I waved to him once more with a smile.

"You should never see him again," Shang said.

"Why?" I asked him.

"Because you do not need distractions from your training."

"He is not a distraction for me, sir."

"He will become one."

I was silent. Never see Zuko again? But we had just met. And he seemed so nice.

So a week later, I saw him again. It was in the library, and I was reading. He had come to find me.

Then we began to meet more and more, every time in secret, because he and I were both now forbidden to see each other – all because I had to focus on training.

Well, we were ten. Training wasn't important. Having fun was! We were always chasing each other around the palace like the immature kids we were, making sure no one saw us. Sometimes we'd pretend to be enemies and "fight" each other with daggers or swords or whatever we could get our hands on.

And we did have so much fun together. Slowly, we had become best friends.

Then, everything came crashing down when Fire Lord Azulon died.

His funeral will always remain in my memories. I was down below the royal family with the other soldiers, and the civilians. Lady Ursa, Ozai, Zula, Zuko… they all seemed so far up there – so far away.

I could only dimly hear what the Fire Sages were saying. I heard only enough to surmise that Ozai was now to become the Fire Lord in place of Iroh.

I looked up at Zuko.

He looked down at me.

I will never forget the look in his eyes.

He looked helpless. He looked afraid.

I couldn't take it. I closed my eyes and ears, and blocked out everything. I could almost feel the pain and fear Zuko must have been feeling. I felt so sorry for him.

And that was the last time we saw each other.

After the funeral, the "rule" that we were forbidden to see each other was enforced. I never even caught a glimpse of him ever again.

When I turned thirteen not two months ago, things seemed to be getting worse.

It was, in fact, almost about a month ago, today, that it happened.

Sure, I finally saw Zuko again. But not where I wanted to see him.

He was in front of a crowd, at the Agni Kai, about to duel his father.

By that point, I knew that Fire Lord Ozai was anything but nice. Unforgiving and merciless, many thought him the perfect Fire Lord.

I remember watching with horror as Zuko fell to his knees and begged Ozai for forgiveness. I remember seeing the anger on Ozai's face.

And I remember looking away, despite the training I had had to be able to face anything. Even still, my squeezed shut eyes would not block out Zuko's scream.

The feeling was something that wouldn't go away – something that I feel asleep to each night. I felt sick. _This shouldn't be happening_, I thought.

_This is not how I want to see Zuko after two years._


	2. Thirteen

A/N: So thanks for stopping by for chapter two! Honestly, it's been a while, and I'm sorry. I had severe writer's block for this story. But I'm hoping that goes away.

Also, I forget what the palace is like; haven't watched any recent episodes lately – just seasons one and two. Does the palace have a wall around it? XD Whatever the case, there's a wall now! :D

**a b s e n c e – chapter two: Thirteen**

Thirteen is thought of to be an unlucky number. For me, it seemed more like the number 13 was beginning to rule my life. Zuko and I spent _thirteen_ months together before we were wrenched apart. We were both _thirteen_ when Zuko left the palace. I had read a mere _thirteen_ books since he had left, despite the fact that in the five months he's been gone, I very easily could have read well over double that. And, of course, in _thirteen_ days, my plan will be carried out.

I guess "plan" is the wrong word for it; and "carried out" is the wrong action. It's more of an idea that I'm trying to go through with.

I've worked most of it out. In about two weeks, there's a ceremony. Geez, I don't even remember what the ceremony's for anymore – I wasn't listening when Shang explained it to me. But the point is, there's a ceremony. All the soldiers are required to be present.

Well, not me. I've got bigger, better things to take care off. Only problem is, I've got one major obstacle….

"Mei!"

"Admiral!" I responded, sitting up straighter.

"You were sleeping. Again," he said, leaning across the table to me.

I stifled a yawn. "I was?"

Shang buried his face in his hands, wondering, no doubt, how he had gotten stuck with such a student.

"I was telling you about the ceremony in two weeks," he said, his voice muffled.

There was that ceremony again.

"Yes, sir?" I said politely, though not caring about it. So I tuned him out as he began explaining something about it.

Two weeks. Was it really that close? Hm. I'd be officially 13 years and 6 months old, then. What a fitting date. That would also mean that it had been five months since Zuko had left. Coincidences abound.

"…and you're not listening to me."

I jumped a little. Shang was looking expectantly at me, his eyes drilling through mine.

"Sir, with all due respect, I don't care about the ceremony," I told him, drumming my fingers on the table. "I'm not even going to…. I won't be there," I said slowly. If I got over this obstacle now, wouldn't it be easier for me when the day came?

"Why won't you, Mei?" Shang asked me, as if asking a three-year-old what he did at preschool today.

"Because. Because I will be… I will be sick," I decided. "Sir," I added.

Shang rolled his eyes and looked quite as if he'd like to hit his head on the table. Hard.

"The ceremony's in two weeks. If you feel sick now, you will be over it by then."

"Unless I get sick again before then," I pointed out.

Shang eyed me. "All right Mei. I've known you for five years. I know when you're up to something."

I smiled guiltily. "What makes you say that, Admiral? I'm just saying, I don't feel well now, and –"

"And you're planning to… what? Run off again?" he guessed. "Or are you going to light the Fire Lord on fire again?"

"What?" I asked, taken aback. "I never – what are you talking about?" I demanded, leaning forward. "I never set Ozai – er, Lord Ozai on fire!" I said, forgetting who I was talking about for a moment, subsequently leaving off his title.

Shang raised an eyebrow. "You were twelve, and you were bored. And you decided that you'd quite like to see some chaos," he reminded me. "So you set the Fire Lord's robe on fire."

I laughed, but quickly silenced it as some soldiers passed by the table and stared at me. "I don't know what you're talking about," I informed Shang, though smiling widely.

He shook his head. "Well, whatever the case, you will be present at the ceremony."

"Will I?"

"Will I, sir," he corrected me with a small smile as he stood up. "That will be all for today."

"Yes, _sir_," I said, standing as well and bowing as he left.

Ever since Shang had noticed that I had become increasingly distracted – all because Zuko was gone – he had started "tutoring" me, so to say, everyday. We'd meet in the library, or outside, if it was nice and he'd talk to me about tactics, things I needed to know, and things like upcoming ceremonies.

Thirteen. I had thirteen more of these sessions. Sometimes, thirteen seems like a big number. But sometimes, it's much too small.

Thirteen days. The more I thought about it, walking around the palace, the more I didn't want to go through with my plan. I'd miss everyone – everything – too much.

**( 13 Days Later )**

"I told you I'd be sick," I coughed, looking up at Shang pointedly.

"I think you're making this up," he said, his arms crossed and his foot tapping impatiently, making a sharp _tap tap_ sound in the boots that he wore on special occasions.

"I'm –" cough "– sick! How could I be making this up?" I coughed harder.

"Because you are good at faking sickness. Now get up, and let's go," he said, offering his hand out to me.

I rolled over in bed, my back to him. "I'm sick. You can go on without me."

I heard him sigh. "You're lucky we can, Mei," he said as he dropped his hand and turned. "So help me, if you try to leave the palace again," he warned.

"I won't," I promised. "I'm sick."

"Mm. Well, get some sleep then," he said offhandedly as he left the room.

I closed my eyes and listened until I heard his footsteps finally disappear down the hall.

I wasn't lying – I really didn't feel good. But, nevertheless, opportunities didn't present themselves as often as they used to. So I had to take this one.

I sat up and threw the covers off of me, already fully dressed in something simple and easy to move around in – there'd be a few obstacles to overcome, and I didn't need to be weighed down by anything extra.

I reached under my bed and pulled out my backpack, in which I had stuffed as much money as I had – not much, in all reality – as well as some I was able to snitch from Shang when he wasn't looking, and a change of clothes. I was traveling light – anything else I needed would have to be bought later.

Before standing up, I reached further under my bed. Where was it? I hadn't even looked at it since Zuko left. Had the maids done something with it? After all, it would be quite out of place under a bed.

No, there it was, I realized with a small smile as my fingers landed on cool metal. I pulled it out and blew off the dust.

It was a simple ring – gold, with a ruby set into it. I admired it for a moment, tilting it to catch the light coming through the open window on the other side of the room.

Zuko had given this to me on my eleventh birthday. At the time, neither of us thought anything of it – it was just a gift. But now… now it seemed to mean so much, since he was gone. It was the only thing I had left of him.

I sighed and slipped it on my finger – luckily, it still fit. I had been worried about that.

I stood, but before I could leave the room, something caught my eye. A mask, hanging on the wall above my bed. I had gotten it at the Fire Festival Shang took me to a few years ago.

"Don't look at me like that," I told it. It seemed as if accusing me. "I'm not doing anything wrong."

I finally tore my eyes from it, and left my room for the last time.

With another sigh, I started off down the hall. I didn't run into anyone – of course I wouldn't. There was that dumb ceremony today – everyone would be there. Hm. It seemed like we were just finding more and more reasons to celebrate. What was it this time? Had we captured another city? Probably.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I froze.

I was just about to leave the castle. My hand was on the door that led out to the back of the palace, and it was already partway open. I was so close – I could smell the air outside, taunting me. I was so… close….

I exhaled and turned to face Shang.

And froze again.

He was smiling.

"You're going to need a map," he said, holding a scroll out to me.

"But, Sh-Shang, I… I'm… " I stuttered, shaking my head.

"You're leaving," he said simply. "I know. And you've never been outside of the Fire Nation capital before, so you're going to need a map."

I gaped up at him. He had just caught me sneaking out, and he was helping me? Who was he, and what had he done with Shang?

He sighed, realizing my confusion. "Look, I…. I realize that you want freedom. You're not made for the army." He gave me a small smile. "I was talking with one of the maids. She…. She mentioned seeing you pack last night, so… I realized you were leaving today during the ceremony."

"And – and you're just going to let me walk off and leave?" I finally got out. "You're going to let me go?"

His smile faltered for a moment, but he just shook the map a little. "If you love someone, that's what you have to do."

I bit my lip. He was making it very difficult for me to leave.

"Mei, you've been like my daughter," he said. "I will miss you."

I slowly reached out to take the map. I half-expected him to pull it back and say, "Just kidding!" But he didn't. He let me take it.

"Shang, I'm… " I stopped and swallowed. "I'm going to miss you too," I told him quietly.

Before I could react, he pulled me into a hug.

"Sh-Shang, what're you…?"

He broke away and backed up a few paces.

"Well, um," he cleared his throat. "Go. Go now, before someone comes. Don't get caught on your way out, all right?"

I looked up at him. He had a straight face.

My face broke out into a smile. "Yes, sir," I said, bowing. "Thank you."

And I turned and left.

I had never been away from the palace before – not that I could remember, anyhow. What was the rest of the world like?

A few minutes of running once I was outside, and I reached the outer wall of the palace grounds. I took a deep breath. This was it. Once I was over this, I was potentially free.

Free.

The word echoed around my head.

I'd be free.

I took one look back at the palace.

No, no looking back.

With another deep breath, I looked up the wall. That was a long way to run. It hadn't seemed so high yesterday.

I backed up a few paces. Then ran forward towards the wall. When I reached it, I began running up it, using a straight blast of firebending from my closed fists to propel me upwards.

And then… I was there. I was at the top. It took me a while to catch my balance – partly from the momentum that still wanted to thrust me forward from the running up the wall, and partly from the sheer height at which I was. I was looking out over the Fire Nation like they were all toys.

I smiled in spite of myself. Finally. Finally, I was free. No one could stop me now.

**( One Week Later )**

"Ex-excuse me, is there a ferry…?"

"Ferry?" The man looked at me like I was crazy. "There are no ferries leaving these ports. Just the navy ships. Don't you know where you are?"

I shrugged as he walked off. No, I didn't know where I was. Well, I knew it was a port – any idiot could see that. But I didn't know it was navy-only.

Oh well.

I glanced around. I didn't know much – okay, anything – about ships, but the one to my right looked as if it was about to pull out. If I could just stow away…

"You there!"

"Y-yes, sir?" I straightened up, saluting the soldier approaching me.

He gave me an odd look, but then motioned to the ship I was just staring at. "Are you the cook? We've been waiting for you for ages!"

"Oh, um… I apologize…?"

"Very well, just get aboard. We're about to set off, and it wouldn't do well to leave you here!"

"Uh…"

"Let's go!" he said, giving me a gentle shove towards the ship. I stumbled for a few steps before regaining my balance and following the dock onto the ship.

"The kitchen is that way."

"Y-yes, sir. Thank you, sir," I said, following his finger and taking the corridor to my right. He continued straight, leaving my on my own.

"Wow…" I whispered, looking all around. It was such a new experience; I couldn't keep myself from smiling.

"This is your captain speaking," a voice echoed through the metal hallways suddenly, making me jump. "Prepare to set sail."


End file.
